We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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