My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!