i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!