I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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