gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
