question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
