The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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