I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
