Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
