I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
