Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
