Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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