is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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