If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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