he shaved USA in his pubs
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
