Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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