there's paper in my vomit.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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