He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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