I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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