3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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