I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
