hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize