lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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