On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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