too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
