shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so let's talk penis.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
