The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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