I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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