I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
