I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
