So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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