I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
