Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
