So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
