Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
