So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
