My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
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I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I had your ass I would rule the world
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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