Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
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He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks