I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
