Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
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I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...