I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.