I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.