Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.