Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
