i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i barfeds in our rink
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
