Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
