i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize