went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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