Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
