I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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