I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize