Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
