she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
