Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
