My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
