please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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