where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize