I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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