Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
