the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize