worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
