o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
