please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
