Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
