Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
