Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize