I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
