I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize