i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
