I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
